Today, when most human relationships are based on utility and hope of return on investment, we seldom think and speak about friendship as ancient thinkers did in the Antiquity. It is simply the symptom of our impoverished culture.
Not so in ancient times! It is safe to say, no aspect of life was so highly valued in Greco-Roman culture as friendship. The next quotes will show how treasured a friendship was by these thinkers
| "Life has no blessing like a prudent friend." - Euripides
| "A friend is another self." - Zeno
| "Friendship always benefits; love sometimes injures." - Seneca
| "Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend." - Plautus
Both Plato and Aristotle had written about friendship in great detail, but Cicero was even more devoted to the subject. His book, De Amicitia (On Friendship) is simply brilliant, arguably the best book on friendship. The following points cover some important parts of his treatise.
Friends should make you a better person
True friends will show you a mirror and help you become a better person. Not only you can imitate their virtues, but may receive criticism for your benefit.
Only the good people can be good friends
Real friendship requires goodness, wisdom and trust. A good person will see you as you are, help you to become better and even can put self-interest aside for your sake. They have the moral strength and the necessary character to tell you what you need to hear and not what you want them to say.
"I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better." - Plutarch
Good friends will not ask you to do wrong
If your friend asks you to do something that is not fair or righteous, to lie or cheat, think about his character, if this person qualifies as a good person! If evil is expected in a relationship, this is not a true friendship.
There are many kinds of friendships
It would be oversimplification of life, and not worthy of a thinker, to say that there are only good and bad friendships. We have neighbors, colleagues, team mates in a sport, who all can qualify as a kind of a friend. Cicero, though, encourages us to find the rare ones that are true and deep friendships. These people will change by us and we will change by them.
“With the exception of wisdom, I’m inclined to believe that the immortal gods have given nothing better to humanity than friendship.” - Cicero
We must be careful, when choosing a friend
A friendship can be messy and sometimes toxic. It can corrupt us and make us worse. One should be slow and careful, observing and discovering the friend’s true personality.
Old and new together
The best scenario if we have friends from our young age. It may happen, though, that change made us apart, we no longer share the same values and interests. One must be open to new friendship all his life, even with much younger people. Being open to the view of a different generation may be beneficial for all.
The reward of friendship
Beyond the many practical advantages of a friendship, like companionship or advice, the heart of a true friendship is not transactional, not based on utility. Cicero concludes, “The reward of friendship is friendship itself.”
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